I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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