yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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