sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
