Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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