Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
