it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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