Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
