keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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