Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
