I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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