Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
