I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
