I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
