What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
