I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
