True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
