Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
