So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
