Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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