do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
