just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
