I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
