Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
