I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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