Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
