Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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