I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
