Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
