Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
