Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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