just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
