I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
