Welp...herpes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
