Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
