Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
