You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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