I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I will pee on everything he values.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Randomize
