the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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