he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
