I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
