he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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