we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
