I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
