Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
another moral hangover. fuck.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
