oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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