Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
