He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
