it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
