dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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