I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
