It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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